I started a facebook group, I started doing daily reflections within this group which have to do with  i'm seeing the world, and what energies i'm reflecting on for the day. I feel the postings have devolved into some sort of emotional dumping ground. Recognizing that it was not in the original intentions of said group i'm re-working and re-writing, giving myself a space to get all those words out. This will be messy sometimes, sometimes streamlined. But this is my space to nourish the place that I am in. I am happy to share my story and my journey, but I'm going to be uncensored because that is what I need for me.

This....was yesterday's post which I have now deleted and re-written: leaving the dumping here, for all to witness haha....

Thursday's Growth Period

A 'growth period' is a time of re-adjusting, your body adjusting to the growth you've created as spirit. This can be a time of great highs and joy and fun. But it can also feel like you've just rolled in big hot steaming pile of dog crappy that's all sticky and has chunks in it and makes you wonder what happened to that awesome space you were in.

That's where I was today...riding the edge of dog crap haha. I finally fell in and i'm in a space of....i don't know. I got called out today (in a very gracious and loving and well put way...but called out all the same). she pointed out that i wasn't listening....wasn't really listening. she could have been in a more vulnerable space and i could have devestated her, or made her put up a wall. And the first thought in my ...head was that 'SHE wasn't listening to ME'. but the fact that i had that defensiveness (inwardly) proved her point to me. Not only was I not REALLY listening but there was a list of judging going on. I"m not proud of it, in fact its kind of a blow to my sense of self...but one that was needed.

Once she said that I stopped the internal dialogue and really paid attention to her, not just listening, but noticing HER, who she was, what she was saying and the radiance of her spirit. I started to feel an opening and an explosion of heart guts all over my self.

After she left, I turned that judging on myself. And my immediate internal response is...well maybe i just shouldn't say anything anymore....i'm not being sensitive or maybe thoroughly genuine...or something......yeah..big heaping steaming pile of dog crap.

It's humbling, and the ultimate thing that i THINK i got out of it.....i'm still processing...is that i don't listen to MYSELF...and thus ignoring the my connection to source, to god, to the universe...to other humans. I'm ignoring my human-ness to try make myself be better, more than, not vulnerable......which is hypocritical of me. sitting in the vulnerability and rawness is hard, sharing another person's vulnerability and pain is hard. but ignoring it makes them feel shut out and they put up a wall. Me ignoring MY pain makes me disconnect and feel out of source.

I read a quote on the wall here that really stood out for me "Allow people to be who they are, and give worth to their experience and perspective"

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After giving myself a day to ponder and figure out things I leave this space for story telling. I am super grateful and blessed to everyone who has contributed to my journey thus far, and for those who will continue to do so. Thank You <3