Letting go

Letting go. I know this has been a constant mantra but its one I need to hear, because I feel compelled to say it over and over again. And one of the things i'm letting go of is self judgment. The council I give, the people I read...the readings I give, the words that I feel compelled to say when I've been in a centered space. Is all and constantly around the theme of letting go. And It continues to come up because i need to continue to hear it.

My brother is getting married in a week. And it is awesome, I am so happy for him. And what accompanies the wedding, is all the family coming in (starting tomorrow). I am excited and I look forward to seeing my aunt and uncles, my father, my grandparents, my cousins. But there's also that unique quality within families that make it hard sometimes to stay with new changes. Most of them have known me my whole life, but haven't really spent much time with me, so they look at me through old filters. There is the part of me that just wants to make it easier and fall back into those old thought patterns, the way everyone expects me to behave. But one thing a family does do is help to develop discipline in my chosen path, now is the time where I stay the course, keep going in the direction I have chosen. That may or may not be leading me farther away, but at the same time closer to family bonds.

As a spirit we make agreements. One of those many agreements is one to be a healer, to follow the family rule, family path. Well....i'm at a time in my life where i no longer want to honor those spiritual agreements. Some of those ways just don't work for me. luckily within my family agreement there is also permission to explore and be myself. I am still embraced even if I don't understand.

And on the eve of seeing many of my family again for a week long extravaganza i'm hesitant to jump back in...afraid to lose my hard won sense of self and wholeness. But I also realize that it is this very feeling of being whole and one that will take me to a different place around my family. I am no longer the one who strives for attention 'look at me!'. I don't need to be validated constantly for my presence.


As I'm thinking about this, thoughts and feelings of trying to plan/coordinate/control, old emotions and feelings of the particular family members...I'm allowing it to all release, continually. My goal is to be in present time, to be present in the moment. And to do that requires not only giving myself the freedom, but giving everybody else freedom as well. to change their identity, to be someone else. to update their selves. I know that as I give them freedom to be them. I am afforded the same opportunity....of course. I am me...i cannot be anyone else.....space....THAT is freedom =)