Continuing on the theme of letting go. At each moment I am given the choice to either react, hide and stuff my thoughts/feelings down, or to surrender and let go. And when I let go...and this is truly letting go and not stuffing it down....and find my love for the person/situation. The whole energy shifts, the other person all of a sudden softens. Today is the beginning of the influx of family haha... and one of the things I noticed that is rampant on my mother's side of the family is a hard edge to the joking. This is where I get it from. Its joking...but underneath it is a desire to point out, pick on, or exploit a perceived weakness in the other person, based on a judgement that person (or I) have. And all of this is done on an unconscious level. its just the way we react and respond to each other. 'Hi how're you? doing that weird stuff again?' There's this universal uncomfortableness with being soft, welcoming and loving, always on guard for the jab that will come...
And I noticed it today...as if for the first time...and instead of jabbing back, or putting up walls of defense and hiding back inside myself. I let the comments go, and responded with the intense love and care I have. And the whole demeanor and conversation changed. If i don't respond to the barbs they have no way to continue the charade....(because there is a pattern here. there is a series of events that happens. there's a specific WAY that this game is played) and today....i didn't feel like playing, and instead of reacting with hurt or my own jabs (which is what has been the most well played role), or shutting down on the inside (which has been my role in recent years since exploring spirituality and energy work)....I opened up to my truth and source and I found love, a deep well of firey love. Love for myself and love for this person that is my family. Love for where I see myself in them, Love for the shared personality ticks (that i sometimes just think is me).
From a spiritual and energy work perspective, your family is the most challenging and rewarding aspects of having this life, of being here. From this group is where you receive all of the pieces to start with. As you grow and move outwards you gain more pieces and understanding. But always there is the core of pieces.
I just realized lately that I have been feeling guilty and hiding all of my life. My families way of talking about the obvious makes me hide even more. We have certain judgments of character, of what is needed to survive, what is practical, when someone is a failure. I am ready to let this go. all of it that i can see right now.
i KNOW there will be more later, and some peeking under the surface now that is intense and hard to see and sort out and let go, but there's a clutter on the surface that I am ready to release, completely and fully. And I do that by loving myself, I love myself so much that I am devoted to my discipline, discipline to give myself what I need. Responding and reacting to people the way I want to be responded to and reacted to. Loving the good parts of everybody and taking the emphasis off of the bad.....releasing judgments i have.....even that statement is a judgment. Who am I to assume what is good or bad for a person. Something that I perceive as bad, can actually be good for the other person. It may not be right for me. and that is ok, but I don't need to reflect my judgment onto other people. especially family. because they are so much like me, i am even MORE prone to judgement. And my friends who are into energy work and spirituality...yeah....there's more judgment there, and that judgement is really the reflection in myself. the unwillingness i have in myself to recognize when its time for me to drop something and move on, go in a different direction, let go. I love you, I forgive you, I bless you, I release you
I love me, I forgive me, I bless me, I release me
and to take that even further....saying it ^ this way implies that there are more than one in me....I am one.
I AM
I love, I forgive, I bless, I release
I am loved, I am forgiven, I am blessed, I am released
I am freedom, i am free
this....creates space.....i am here and I am allowed to be where i am. The judgement of myself comes from expectations. I "should" be doing this or that. but I am here now....and what I do in each moment adds up and creates my reality. If I keep stressing out about not having time or energy or motivation to do what i 'should' be doing. the universe is going to keep that stress going. because that is where my intention and thoughts are at.
Today I decided that I am not going to create anything that i don't want to do. I am going with the flow and creating with whatever I see, however I see fit to do so. I am letting go of the mental closet full of projects to be completed, or potential projects to be completed.....
This can be a problem with being a creative person...there are so many seemingly simple objects that can be turned into something great. I have BINS full of materials and supplies, only some of which I've actually used and will continue to do so. I made a decision to let go of some equipment and supplies that I told myself I need....that 'one day' i will have a use for.....and right after I let go of the emotional/mental burden of holding onto the stuff. I immediately received ideas for things I practically need/can use them for...right now. for years I collected 'shiny' things. And I am done, new and awesomer things/experiences can't come in unless I make room for it....and my next shift needs A LOT of room....so I got some more physical purging to do and I'm excited for it....as well as recieving all the energy for the creations bubbling up. letting go of the 'need' to make stuff to make money. (because that is what always stops me and makes things harder to make [energetically] than they actually are)
so yeah.....kind of a mixed up mental dump looking at all the ways I can let go. and receive in the process. the sense of love is growing and becoming...more...I shine my light and give you permission to shine yours.
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